November 13, 2008

Needed: mental space builders

Today, while I was very VERY busy working on my upcoming conference presentations and DAT homework I came across this comic:

...and let's just say, it got me thinking. (Cecily, I hope you are reading this, because I secretly want you to make me a comic). Ever since arriving to Sydeny, I have been in constant anxiety. Mind you, it's not the kind of anxiety that causes high blood pressure, but rather it's the kind that causes very dull paranoia...which with time has manifested itself into subtle self-doubt and acute frustration. And now, I can say with a sigh of relief that I have figured out why!
It's my freaking incompetent American mental space builders.
I mean, to be honest, most of them left before I got on the plane. "I don't wanna go to Australia," replied Harry (a space builder since 1972 and who had been with me since 1981), "They eat Vegemite there!!" "Nah, I think I'll stick around here," explained Freida, "I got a really good offer from a builder for one of your friends on the West coast." "I can't go there," whispered Mike, "I don't speak Australian."

At the time I just huffed and puffed and told them all "Good riddance, I didn't want y'all to come ANYWAY!"

Well, it turns out that Mike had actually hit the monkey with the banana! And once I arrived in Sydney, I learned that none of my other mental space employees knew Australian either! Now, all they do is complain and form unions. "We can't work in these conditions," explained the union rep Sal, "they have different building codes here!" "The materials LOOK the same, but then we get admonished by the Mental Space Monitoring Committee. Fred's on probation until February for using inadequate connectors to your want space," Paula whined.

And they have a point: I drink iced lattes now for Pete's sake because he just can't get a handle on the "coffee" situation here. UNFORTUNATE TOTAL INCOMPETENCE.

So, if I don't get screwed in the union talks next Tuesday I'm going to take my sanity, what's left of it, and hire some new guys. Australian builders are more expensive, but they'll be worth it if I can buy bus tickets in peace, or actually explain what it is I'm doing here... it must be done. So, Sal, Fred, Pete....get your construction hats on-- come Monday, you're going to be gettin' a lesson in space building down under Aussie style!


Kyle Duarte said...

Er... maybe Cecily can explain what you mean?

I'm thinking you're having a bit of culture shock(1), though I'm not remembering such difficulties with taking the bus or drinking coffee from when I was there. Perhaps an update at a later time.

Be well.


(1) Remember when you sat on the culture shock panel at CLC and you spoke English? hehe

P.S. *Yes* I used a footnote in a Blogger comment. So what?

Cecily said...

Not so "secret" now that you told the INTERNET all about it.

Also, Lindsay, (ahem) it's not like your American space builders ever really did anything when you were here. Buncha good for nothings. You're better off without them.

Linzi said...

sigh. I know. but i just feel bad because they moved all the way over here...if i sack them, what will they do? where will they go?

Julie Hochgesang said...

(hahaha this is brilliant! WELL WRITTEN, linzi!)

the honeymoon's done, the novelty's worn off, and now it's back to life as usual. yay for life!

i like your space builders. they make life so much fun. don't be so hard on them.